fuck love

a blog on 'life' and other popular four letter words...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Whaddaya wanna be?

Life, it seems, is the world’s most popular STD.

I read somewhere that life is the whim of a few billion cells to get together to be you for a while. Pretty serious stuff if you wonder what if all those cells are like Indian politicians and if they belong to a coalition party ;).

So my big bro keeps telling me that I need a goal in life (making sure I diligently reach home on time to catch the 9 PM movie does not count). He says that we all need to make long term goals, and relentlessly strive to achieve them – that, in his opinion, is the “beauty of life” (nope, he does not know about double burst cheese pizza). Bro also says that my life is like an elevator in which I still don’t know which button to push (I know… pretty deep stuff here. And Vegas is not a button, it’s just geography J)

Since total world domination was already taken by the Austin Powers movies (and world peace by the beauty pageant industry), I needed another objective in life.

And as I looked around, I see everyone following the same path – study well, get a high paying job, get married, have kids, buy a house, go on annual vacations, work for the kids’ education and then retirement.

I wanted to go the less trodden path; I wanted to do something which nobody else did; I wanted to make my mark in an area which affects everyone, I wanted to dwell deep into my soul and find out what I really, REALLY wanted to do – in short, I wanna be a pornstar!

Ok wait, I take back that – I just realized that porn can totally suck after a while. OK, so porn’s out of the window.

I could opt for politics, since I am getting the hang of asking random fine people to vote for less than worthy causes ( vote for this post here) – but I realize that the other guy with a name that sounds similar to mine is currently lodged in Tihar, which is not exactly my choice for a holiday destination (also the poor guy has not gone beyond 2G while my devices r 4G compatible). Again, I fail to see the fashion statement in white clothes and white ambassadors – it simply crams up my style. Oh well, so much for politics.

I could be a swami (no, not that swami, u filthy mind! J) and hold the government to ransom by threatening to fast. But since my art of living is the holy glory of junk food, booze and a sedentary life (my definition of ‘work out’ is flexing my fingers to change the channel on the tv remote – so yes, I do ‘work out’ regularly ;)), I figured swamihood may not give me the job satisfaction I’m craving for. Maybe I could threaten the government by ‘accept my demand or I’ll overeat till I die’ – that could work!

Or I could be the other swami (yes, yes that very swami, u bhola sa mind! J) and I could conduct holy acts with holier-than-thou actresses in the name of holiness to help them in their holy pursuit of eternal happiness (or “nithya ananda “;)).

I could become a banker since I always had an eye for figures and (vital) statistics. But I really can’t seem to be able to keep money – there always is so much month left at the end of the money. I found out that there is a powerful urge in me to blow up money. Its only later that I realized they even had a rule about that - they call it “a fool and his money are often parted”.

I’m starting to understand that there’s more to IT than just buying shares of companies like Satyam (great idea that turned out to be). Sure the lifestyle is tempting – 18-19 hours of a desk sitting job, a computer stares at you in the face almost all day (and vice versa), you eat only fatty and oily food and that too, at irregular intervals, and your idea of social life is online chatting, youtube videos and facebooking. You work hard and party harder – even though party is defined as getting sloshed at some seedy bar with the same people you just spent office hours with. Maybe I can consider….. Oh wait, I am in IT.

Or I could be a movie star – I’d get to wear goggles bigger than my face, tell my name with a weirder accent and carry a bottle of evian mineral water all around (cos even though evian costs ten times normal drinking water and contains the same number of germs, its cooler to be seen with). But since people like Salman, Hritik n now Ajay (et tu, Devgun?) have upped the ante by being so bloody damn fit, I don’t think I could even stand a chance against them (six pack, for me, has always been a beer can denomination at the supermarket).

I might even consider being a chef like the ones on TV who emit long (mating?) drawls after sipping or nibbling anything and everything that is made with and without fire. Like Nigella Lawson, I could popularize food porn, all the while having people drool at my preposterous weight problem. Oh wait, I don’t know jack about cooking…..

Making the most of your life is really a tough call. And the irony is most people have no clue what they’re doing with life. They just flow with the flow rather than make the flow flow (in spite of so many Rajnikanth movies).

Oh well, screw the elevator.. I’m getting late for my 9 PM movie.



  1. Or maybe you can be a stand-up comedian. Oh wait, you already are one. :D
    And "I just realized that porn can totally suck after a while"- Great choice of words, I must say! ;)

  2. Hey Spiff, thnx fr droppin by... glad u noticed... wsnt sure if people wud catch it :)

  3. Pornstar seems like a decent choice...the RIGHT path. But its not a less trodden one. I can imagine u in pink tshirt with red tie, ....oooooh.

    I love the first line soooo much. M gonna fake it as mine n put it as my fb status and become the philosopher. Gihaaa

    I had a convo with Daddy the Great n he wants me to....... Ok wat an idea..i will blog abt it

    i love ur blog soooo much...nd i hate u coz u write well. Jealousy takes a toll on me. Heh

  4. haha...super cute post R-i guess you can be a little bit of all that you mentioned here-you seem to be good at juggling and turning something that sucks into something that rocks:-)

    all the best-hope the 9 p.m. movie was half as exciting as this recital:-)

  5. I agree with Spaceman spiff. You could do stand up act.
    Well, it would reduce your body fat, at least.

    On a nostalgic note, I can relate to 9 PM movie very much. That's how life was what seems to be a long time back.

  6. lol... hilarious...

    someone once told me (after watching A beautiful mind) to focus on my goals and I won't see the problems...i asked him...how do you know that problems are like fingers? what if they are like open manholes? focus on your destination and you are sure to land up in one of them....

    but then, if you thing too much about man holes and fingers...life is definitely going to screw u...

    great post...


  7. Hey Red, yap, I hv all the makings of a porn star :D.. actually, i ws thinkin blue checkered mundu n moochu but maybe pink n red cud b a better combo :)
    Thnx fr droppin by Red.. waitin fr ur post :)

    Thnx Suruchi... I so agree tht the 9 PM movie always hs a charm bout it ..thnx fr droppin by:)

    Well Sairam, if i did stand up, I'm sure it'd be the audience who wud stand up to throw things at me :) Ya, body fat, body fat :) Thnx fr droppin by, Sai :)

    Thnx Sub, my long term goal is lunch, dinner n yes, 9 PM movie fr tonite.. I knw, I'm workin on integratin short terms plans within them too :)
    Thnx fr droppin by Sub :)

  8. well i feel d same way like u do...way 2 confused wat i actually want to be and i guess most of the people are surrounded by the same conditions like u said- "They just flow with the flow rather than make the flow flow (in spite of so many Rajnikanth movies)"....loved your post..keep writing more :)

  9. Oh Funny you are!!! :D I would suggest a comedian. you would crack a lot of people up!! :D

  10. Well, pornstar always remains an option:P There are so many different, erm, things (for lack of better word) to 'try out. I'm sure Playboys and Playgirls never get bored. Oh wait, you could be a Playboy :D

    Awesome post, this:P

  11. ha ha ha!!!! that's what i did while reading this...hilarious stuff man!!

    "I could be a swami (no, not that swami, u filthy mind!" ROFL...

  12. oooo...am so glad to notice some non-abstemious life still breathing happily. I'll turn into one too :)

    "protest by eating- pick the road less traveled"

    enjoyed my ride, once again, with your post

  13. great post..need to give career another thot! :P

  14. Or you could lie on the couch and ponder on the philosophies of life :P

  15. haha I enjoyed every word of it! and awww you have a cute name..this is the only name that is too famous at our side..RAJ!;p

  16. @wats_in_a_name: yup, soooo agree wid u.. me 2 hv the same confusion.. thnx fr droppin by :)

    Hey Srinidhi, provided they dnt crack me up into pieces(my PJs r close to legendary ;))

    Hey Priyanka, brilliant idea.. I cud becum a playboy.. oh wait, they cancelled my subscription fr misbehavin wid the 'bunnies' ..:)

    Thnx Skywalker fr droppin by.. glad u liked it.. thnx fr the kind words :)

    Glad u liked it Gaurav.. nice to hv u back..do drop by more often :)

    Hey Maniac, career's been the first thought in my mind fr the last so many years.. the second thought hs always been beer.. oh well, at least I've accomplished one of them anyways ;)

    Purba ji, tht fr me is a full time occupation :)Thnx fr droppin by :)

    Hey Mishi, thnx fr ur kind words..but r u refrrin to my name or my blog's name? yup, SRK screwed up my name fr me.. n i screwed up my blog's name fr its sake:)
    Thnx fr droppin by :)

  17. LOL first time reading ur blog dude. "FUCKLOVE" :D does google see your site as a adult site man???

    Dude I have thought which button in the elevator to press too :D.

    I thought I should press the porn star button but then the gigolo button pays more and the world will not see you nude :D Of course the down side is that you wont be with S*sh* Gr*y :D

    Lol found you because you replied to one of my forum posts where I asked the question "how do I make sure people dont get offended but what I write" :D after reading your blog, I wont regret ever again :D

  18. Thanks Blahblaholic fr droppin by ..awesum tht u found it so :)

    Hey Abhishek, thnx fr droppin by n fr ur kind words.. yap, I remember ur post .. dude, google' blocked me out man cos of my name .. thnx fr droppin by man:)

  19. Know something, Barney (Neil Patrick Harris from How I met Your Mother) is my all time favorite stand up comedian, but after reading this, well, you ain't that bad either. Actually, you are really good man!
    The way you elaborated these things, it was just hilarious :D :D

  20. Hey Risha,, me soooo love Barney. My friends tell me tht my approach to women is a lot like Barney but my real life experience with women is more Homer Simpson than Barney (my luck with women never seems 2 change ;( )
    thnx fr droppin by Risha n fr the extremely kind words.. do drop by more often :)

  21. This comment has been removed by the author.

  22. Being adapted for The Great Indian Blogologues showcase at the Social Media Summit 2011 https://www.facebook.com/blogologues

    Great Post Buddy!


  23. Hey Stray Factory, Honored!!! :)

    Thnx man..really appreciate..do drop by ore often :)