fuck love

a blog on 'life' and other popular four letter words...

Monday, August 6, 2012

All you need is love


moi, in my fatter days, on marriage  :)

A successful pick-up-artist friend of mine told me that the perfect pickup line has to be curt, friendly yet border on rudeness, and most importantly, be distinctly different from what the recipient is used to.

Who even knew that there actually was a science to the art of the pickup??!!!

And that’s exactly my point.

India is in the news, baby – we’re there slowly hitting the right notes in sports, making our presence felt in business, and we’ve always been a silent force in art – there are increasingly lesser number of areas which has not been hued by our tricolor.

But there is still an area where our collective report card as a nation is still in the red – and that’s the l’art de l’amour, or the art of love.

Let’s face it – we Indian men suck at the dating game. The world’s greatest lovers are considered to be French, Italian, Latino or Espaniol. Indians, by the way, are not even there in the reckoning. And that’s so sad, man.. I mean, there was a time when we were known as the guys who gave the world the Kamasutra,  the dudes who gave Romance it’s greatest living monument (‘via Agra’ was the coolest thing in romance until they dropped the space between it) – and we could sooo be the guys who could show the world how it is done; but instead, today we’re getting known for complaining about women wearing clothes that are against “our culture”, those stupid annual V Day atrocities and other such incidents created by men who clearly aren’t getting any.

Where the hell did we go wrong?

Now I agree with a lot of people who say that men have historically assumed an inherent sense of superiority over women–men brought home the bread and women took care of the house – and it kinda worked well for centuries. But now, things are changing - women around the world have started donning the role of the bread winner and are proving that they can do whatever we men can, with equal finesse, if not better. And while most of the west have already acknowledged and accepted this development, in India we still have not accepted this reality – there are still a majority of Indian men who try to suppress women back to their earlier roles, hammering them sometimes with brute force, or mostly with words like “patriarchy” , “tradition” and “Indian culture”. Personally, I think the root cause of the Guwahati incident is this misplaced sense of male superiority.

And there is a social phenomenon that propagates this misplaced superiority complex to further generations - Ladies and Gentlemen, say hello to the arranged marriage!

Fundamentally the yesteryear concept of arranged marriage is reeking with male superiority – in many cases, women have to prostrate themselves in front of prospective men and their parents for acceptance and then dowry away their worlds to fit into the guy’s life, dancing to the tune of inane things like horoscope, birth charts and planetary positions. Then they walk into their new worlds to a lot of expectations and demands, most of which are put forth by the parents.  Pati is the parameshwar, while the patni is supposed to be pliant, rather than partner – not exactly the perfect breeding ground for romance, you’ll agree.

Now imagine if he had to get his girl without the arranged marriage, which for starters is the way Mother Nature intended it to be, as evidenced in the animal world.  Since brute force lost its appeal a long time ago, men will have to use charm, guile and wit to woo and win women.  Like the western world, dating will become an accepted prerequisite to marriage.  Love would be the only way to get married and people would know what they’re marrying into. Things like dowry, family honor and profiles on shaadi.com would cease to be driving forces, replaced by things like the 3second rule (the least time to make the first move) compatibility and being 'mad bout each other'.  

It’s not that arranged marriages don’t work – nay, I’ve got tons of friends who still get their marriages(and love) arranged for themselves and I guess it’s working out pretty well for them.  I’m just saying it’s about time we get rid of it – it’s one of those yesteryear concepts that does not belong to the new age networked world.   Love marriages are better – for one thing, the guy does not sit on his butt and get spoon fed to the most important relationship of his life – instead he schemes for it, fights for it and earns it.  And in the process, the Indian man will finally get practice in romance to stand alongside other men of the world that have made their worthy mark in love.  And maybe, with time, he could comprehend the subtle science that teaches him that the perfect pickup line actually is curt, friendly yet borderline rude, and distinctly different from what its recipient is used to.

This world deserves a better class of Indian men – it’s high time we give it to them!

Love, anyone?





Do Follow my blog, Like it and Vote for me...

J

44 comments:

  1. YES! I agree to a lot of things that you've written here.
    No one really deserves complete adoration and respect that they get for free in a lot of arranged marriages. I'm not saying remove them, coz some of them make prettayy good and cute stories, but I second your point!
    Good luck for the contest. :D

    @Tales of her and by her.
    &
    @Teenage Babblings
    xx

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey Blahblaholic, great to see u back.. me was on a blogging break for bout 2 months or so.. n u're the first comment to my first post after a hiatus.. so its kinda special :)

      Glad tht u agree wid it in parts - do tell me which are the parts u disagree to? It'll be nice to know :)

      Thanks a lot for ur wishes Blahblaholic ..n fr droppin by :)

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  2. Lol hope you do get to.. um, "perfect your skills." :P

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    1. Work in progress, Revacious.. ;)

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  3. "Personally, I think the root cause of the Guwahati incident is this misplaced sense of male superiority." Amen my friend!

    Arranged marriage is something that will last here for another century easily. And I disagree about Indians not knowing the art of love. Oh trust me some men do ;). The rest are often prejudiced.

    Its nice to see such a take written by a man, awesome infact. Nice to have you back Raj.

    Cheers!

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    1. Aaah, somebody knows a red hot Indian lover ;)

      Hey Soumya, thanks for dropping by.. nice to see you too and yup, its nice to be back here.. was off on a workshop that kept me engaged for about two months :)

      I agree with you, Soumya.. yap, Arranged Marriage will last for a while but I do think its losing its hold, at least in the metros :)

      Great to see you back, Soumya :)

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  4. If only men know it how to .. after the guwahati episode I felt ashamed of being called a MAN especially a INDIAN MAN.. I mean is this what MEN do now adays , blimey I did not know that.

    Good to see you back , keep writing such thoughtful thoughts and who knows one day we wont need a pick up line at all, and might get PICKED instead :)

    Bikram's

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    1. Bro!!! Welcum back!! Long, long time, eh??? :)

      Wow, getting picked up?? now that's a worthy thought :D

      Thanks for droppin by, Biks.. do drop by more often man:)

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  5. You make a really good point about arranged marriages leading to poor lovers. I mean, what's the point in men learning to be flirty and romantic when he's not going to date and is going to marry a woman of his parent's choice anyway? Completely ruins men.

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    1. Hey Bhadra, welcome back!!! Long, long time, eh??? :)

      I'm glad u agree Bhadra.. u know, the 'sharpen the axe' kinda stuff... I mean, we'd only hone our skills only when we're pressed to it n not when we have the option of being spoon fed :)

      Great to hv u back.. Do drop by more often Bhadra..

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  6. Hahahahahahaha you're cracking me up: 'We a s a nation have a problem with any cricket match which is fixed. But we have ABSOLUTELY no problem with a marriage which is fixed.' Good thing my Bollywood Bride, Anshala, wants to marry me for my money! ;)

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    1. Hey RCB, glad u liked it.. so hwz the wedding shoppin goin? Did you buy your shoes yet, meanie? :)

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    2. I almost forgot I still need to buy myself some shoes hahaha! A bare-footed wedding ritual isn't by any chance fashionable, right?

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    3. Hahaha, unless its the Bahamas! :D

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  7. Love or arrange.. Its all luck by chance.. If we find a right partner then well and good and if not then god only have to save us :-P Nice write up Raj:)

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    1. And I am really not a Robot :( Why the hell should I need to prove this every time I comment on your blog :(

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    2. Hey Sonia, long, long time eh? Nice to see u again.. hope all is well on ur side.. congrats on ur blg havin crossed a year :)

      I don't wanna bother God with another request for life partner now.. I'm sure He's working on my luxury car+castle+yacht prayer :D

      Sonia, I'm sorry for all the trouble on the word verification stuff.. disabled it :)

      Do drop by more often Sonia :)

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  8. Loved the post! It is high time Indian men should change their ways. It would be nice to know that the days of rape, molestation, honor killing and arranged marriage, are gone. I feel some men, believe it is their birth right to get a lady, spoon-fed (as-u-rightly-said) to them by their parents, and that is why they don't have any respect for women. And then , these are the men who rape and molest women.

    It would be nice to see the nicer side of men, together as a community instead of always being suspicious of the random strange man staring at you.

    Loved being here. Following you :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey Akanksha, welcome to my blog.. glad that you feel that way.. thanks for your very kind comments :)

      I think it'll still take time for men to get into that mold of completely respecting women but the good news is that its already begun.. methinks that there's still a growing number of guys who treat women with utmost respect n equality :)

      Thanks so much for making my day, Akanksha :)

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    2. I am so glad I did! The pleasure if being here, was all mine though :)

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    3. See, there u go again.. that's the second day in succession now :D

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  9. OK! I PROPOSE 'YOU & ME, RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW. LET'S FALL IN LOVE.'
    :P :P
    Btw shaadi.com is overrated...i now am a proud member of bharatmatrimony (wants to die right now). Parents did it offcourse.
    But we dont lose hope until some mucha man from the mallu land knocks of my virtual door and asks my parents fr my neck for holy matrimony. So wat tht my past love dint work out. I am still younggg!!!
    if only brute force was still the order of the nature :P
    that clip was awesome!!!! I think u had pasted this before too. the tagline was uncalled for. That is not fat sirjee!

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    1. Done baby, done!!... on my knees, red, red blushes in hand and my heart on a platter :D

      My dear, dear, dear Red!!! Long, long while, eh?? Oh ya, tell me bout it.. I too same pinch.. I'm also supposedly looking for "educated, simble and humble girl" - good part is I found lotta my boozing friends also lying bout their drinking habits on the same site :D

      Thanku Red.. yup, I'm just pimping my video :D

      Always, always happy to see u Red :)

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    2. Hmmm... now after reading ur post, the above comment of mine makes me look like a flaying, bumbling moron.

      Damn, talk bout revelations.

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    3. haha! U dint read the post about me being in the market too :( where I am 'simple, caring and traditional' and loves to cook and make handicrafts.

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    4. Wow Red, that does take the cake for versatility, doesn't it.. Handicrafts! Seriously? :)

      Interestingly everyone's matrimonial profile makes them seem so much more interesting while their facebook profile totally ruins it for them :)

      my sis made my profile.. supposedly, my hobby is fishing...ironically, the closest I've got to a water body is probably the loo :D

      poor girl who gets married to me....

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    5. nd btw sirjee, i think u knw my name nw. I am on a name giving clue to some bloggers.

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    6. Damn, I missed the clues!! I missed the clues!! Where?! Where?! Where?!..

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  10. Love this post....although i still cannot choose which is better still....arranged or love??? statistics show differently still....but one things for sure....arranged or love marriage, you need the 'Mohabbat' factor for it to stay forever....

    Kee entertaining and enlightening us with your posts :-)

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    1. Hey Nightingale lady, howz u doing??? !!! Long time, eh? Ellam sowkiyam thaane dubaiyil I hope :)

      Totally agree with u on the Mohabbattein factor.. If there were no love, Yash Chopra wouldn't hv had a job :D

      Thanks Shruthi for ur kind, kind words.. pinne enthokke undu visheshangal?? :)

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  11. aiyoo..how i missed this one !!
    superrrrr..hahah..the video is you...!! i double checked with your current profile pic..you speak well man..!

    hmm...i really don't know which be better...had my share of relationships..now waiting for the family to find a bakra for me..khikhikhi

    hmm..both have their own pros and cons..but i feel though love is immortal..its upto the 2 people in the marriage to make it work..be it love..ya arranged..:)

    nice post only :)

    cheers!

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    1. Ai.. Ai.. Aiyyoo.. (PS- I like saying that :D)

      Thanks meoww, I used to take these public speaking classes.. quit it cos only the public kept speaking when I stood up :)

      I hear u meoww.. it does take a lotta effort to maintain what we have, whether arranged or sought out :)

      Long time, eh? Its been likes ages meoww.. hope all is well on ur side.. keep surviving those wicked meetings of urs :)

      Great to see u here meoww :)

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  12. hehehe!!! First things first .... dude - the video rocks! You should really try stand up as a career option. What was this for btw?

    Secondly, the point you put accross was so nod-worthy! I am nodding as I write this too! Come to think of this, it should be made compulsory that every guy woo his girl..... sigh!!!

    Finally, all the best for the contest. May the best (wo)man win, eh? *cheshire cat grin*

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    1. Hey Nirvana, thnx fr ur very kind words dear .. I'm part of the toastmasters public speaking community and this one was one of my speeches .. well, like my stand up comedienne once said bout his life changing decision, "When I quit it all to become a stand up comedienne, everybody laughed. Today, nobody's laughing."... :D

      As fr the contest, my vote's fr u, my friend :)

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  13. Love marriages - Agree agree agreee
    what more do i say?
    The toastmasters speech was funny, and very VERY dramatic. :) Had fun watching it.

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    1. Thanks Punam.. happy tht u liked it :)

      Yes, as my mom wud confirm, drama is my life time obsession .. I even breathe dramatically, hoping my imaginary audience wud applause :D

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  14. but i dont like red red roses, RAJ!!! lol.
    and i can do without candle lit dinners too. and i always left early even before i got married :p
    one shouldn't settle for anything less - it should only be for what makes one happy.
    and marriage isn't for everyone :) never get married just because it's expected of you !

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    1. Hahaha...

      Ya Jaya, I totally agree with ur views.. wish there were more sensible people like u out here :)

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  15. excellent take.very enlightening post

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    1. thanks a lot Pramodji.. glad to see u here :)

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