You know, it’s kinda crazy…
But two years ago, I actually decided to change my life (yes, seriously!).
The Libran that I am, I was never really known for making decisions. And even if I made ‘em, I never managed to keep them. Case in point – ‘Losing weight’ has been the longest running unresolved decision of my life - I’ve decided to lose weight for 6 years in a row now (7 if you count 2012 also J).
But two years back, I realized I had turned into everything that my neighbors, and hence my parents, wanted me to become J. I had a stable education, a stable job, a stable set of friends, a stable life and to top it all, I eventually turned into one of those boring profiles on shaadi.com, that seemed to celebrate my mediocrity by describing me as “simple, good natured and well behaved”.
I was never any of that.
For starters, I have an unstable mind (ok, now don’t get any ideas!) but I was supposed to be ‘the creative one’ – my mind was proudly and constantly up to no good - I used to be the resident prankster in school, I used to be the guy whose mind was always ticking, I used to be the guy with the ideas. I was never, ever ‘simple’ – life was happily complicated and truly ‘alive’. But just like that, two years back, I wasn’t any more of any of that and turned into a human embodiment of a matrimonial profile.
I seriously, seriously needed to change my life.
And I did.
The first thing I did was to have a relook at my career. I was aware of companies outside that could give me more; but a hard look convinced me that I really loved my job and loved doing what I am doing here (is my boss reading this? J) - I knew how my company worked and I knew who made it work. And quitting would mean restarting it all on a fresh new note. Also I was finally happy here - so I decided to stick on.
But the other thing I realized was that my job had become my life and vice versa – you remember that letter Narayana Murthy wrote to his staff about bachelor boys who stay back late in office and mess the entire work atmosphere for everyone– ya, that was me! (ah thank u J) I never really had any life worth talking about after office hours (besides Jenna Jameson) and I just stayed back late at office to hang around with other people like me. I seriously needed to get a life but I didn’t know how.
Now the funny thing I’ve discovered about life is that you usually have all the answers to your questions around you – you just need to step back, look around and find them out for yourself. And that’s exactly what I did – I looked deep into myself and dwelt into my past to get my answers. And I rediscovered a whole lotta stuff that was once part of me but got lost and got buried under the projects, reports and client calls.
I slowly remembered my forgotten fascination for the stage. I used to, once upon a time, love the thrill of standing on stage, under the spotlight and rehearse countless lines of verses; but it was all forgotten.
I decided to revive that.
I joined a theatre group called Yours Truly, that worked weekends. Suddenly, I was surrounded by people that had an inexplicable sparkle in their eyes due to their madness for the art. I breathed life into imaginary characters, rehearsed every weekend to bask in the rediscovered glory of being back on stage and felt like I had finally woken up from a deep and long slumber. Then one fine day, I just didn’t feel like going to theater and I never did since. I failed as an actor of the stage. I looked again into my heart for my next stab at life.
As I delved deeper into myself again, I remembered another forgotten part of my life – of being a fanatic follower of debates and elocutions, once upon a time. I found myself afraid to stand in front an audience again but decided to push myself to get those butterflies in my stomach to fly in formation - I got into public speaking and shocked myself with how much I missed it. I spoke, out spoke and spoke out and I loved every minute of it. Then one day, for no particular reason, I simply stopped going to speak. I did not succeed here either.
2011 has just been a year of rediscovery, of reevaluation and of refocus. It’s like this year I finally have a clean slate in hand, erased of all the mess that got scribbled on it over the past many years. Now, I can decide what to write on my slate and propel my life accordingly.
And it all seems to be working – on my work side, I got promoted this year. On the financial side, I finally hit a number that I’ve been eyeing for a while. On the personal front, my blog got featured in a newspaper. And health wise, I’m in better shape than last year.
2011, in retrospect, will go down as the year I figured all this out and hopefully, just hopefully, I hope to get all this right in the years to come. 2011 is the year I started making decisions and keeping them.
And if it goes well as it should, I will tell you this…
2011 is how it all started.
Here's wishing you and yours the very best wishes for a fabulous, prosperous and fantastic New Year in 2012. Let's live this year like there's no tomorrow and make those pesky pessimistic Mayans jealous!!
Happy New Year everyone!!!