The Big Fat 2012 Movie Guide!!!

And so…

A Brand New Year Beckons.

Again.

So if you’re still basking in the glory of the realization that New Year Resolutions don’t really last too much (welcome to the club! J), here’s another list for you; Ladies n Gentlemaans, voila the list of the big, fat, juicy, gorgeous awesome movies to watch out for in 2012!!!

I’ll start with the Hollywoodzz as I got some movies here that I’m really waiting for:

The Avengers (May 4) – Ok, this is one of those movies that I’d put under the category of “Ohh My Dear Good Lord, Its actually happening!!!” Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, Hulk, Nick Fury, Black Widow, Hawkeye and Loki all in the same frame.. wow, what more to ask for, eh? J The famous Iron Man narcissism meets the pompous Thor and the no nonsensical Captain and we still don’t know how the new Hulk will be when someone gets him angry. But hell, check out the mean trailer below. J

Why u should watch it: Because you will. The question here is 'how many times?'.

The Dark Knight Rises (20th July) – Obviously one of the, if not, THE most anticipated movie of the year. Lots of things going for this movie, some being the ‘epic conclusion to the Batman trilogy’, Bane (the guy who actually broke Batman’s back) and yup, the big man himself, Christopher Nolan. When the first trailer came out, it was kinda disappointing cos most of the content was from the previous two movies and then just last month, they released the new dark fitting trailer which is so damn bloody well good. The hero arises.

Why u should watch it: OK, r u kidding me?!! Seriously, r u kidding me?!!

Men In Black 3 (May 25) – Will Smith is known as the guy with the Midas touch – he simply can’t do no wrong – any damn movie he is in is supposed to turn box office gold. So Will’s next venture is the third installment in the Men In Black series as 'Agent J' again – in 3D btw. Agent J goes back in time to save Agent K – Tommy Lee Jones reprises his role as the latter and Josh Brolin plays the younger K. It’s almost very likely that the movie’s gonna be a hit and Brolin’s impersonation of Tommy Lee Jones also seems pretty damn bloody good.

Why u should watch it: Well, it's 'assured-box-office-man' Will Smith's movie after his not-too-great-but-still-a-box-office-hit 'Seven Pounds'. Also the MIB franchisee has always been quite a fun riot all the while. And Will Smith is always a pleasure to watch when he's funny.J

The Expendables 2 (Aug 17) – OK, let’s face it – not many people liked the first movie. I, for one, ‘love-u love-u’ –ed it. Seeing ‘Stallone-Arnold-Willis’ in the same room (the church scene) was a ‘Big O’ moment for me for having seen three of my childhood action stars in the same one movie. So what does EX2 have? Well, there’s reportedly more of Arnold, more of Willis and they put in a Van Damme and a Chuck Norris too for added punch. Aaah, pure mindless testosterone action fun!!

Why u should watch it: Well, for the same reason you saw the first - pure mindless dumb ass action fun with the all the oldies, that you loved when you were a kid, thrown into one movie.

G I Joe Retaliation (June 29) – Speaking of big, jack ass dumb, action movie – the first G.I Joe was a big hit but sucked big too. So in the second one, they added in The Rock-Can-Do-No-Wrong, Dwayne Johnson and the Resident Aging Action Hero Bruce Willis into it and now you get the second part of the same mindless action flick – and I must say, the trailer with the cool sound track, the shot of the white house being taken over by Cobra - looks really, REALLY good. His cholesterol is a li’l high, he says… J

Why u should watch it: Well, for one thing - the trailer simbly roXX!!! J

The Amazing Spider Man (July 6) - Ok, didn’t they just… ? Yes!… but wasn't Toby Maguire the.. ? Yes!…. Do we again want to… ? Apparently, they think yes. Yup, Spider Man comes back again in another reboot and truth be told, it does look pretty darn interesting. Only thing is that it looks way, way too darn familiar too considering the first Spiderman is still so fresh in our memories. But then again, what the hell, right?

Why u should watch it: I have no clue why but what the hell, its Spiderman.....J

Ice Age 4: Continental Drift (July 13) – Ya baby ya! Manny, Sid, Diego and Scratt the Squirrel r back with the fourth installment of the billion dollar franchise… who even bloody cares what’s the story!! (Does it even have one? J)

Why u should watch it: Cos ur teenage cousins will force u to watch it anyways, so might as well enjoy it...

Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted (June 8) – "I like to move it, move it… I like to move it, move it… I like to …………… MOVE IT!!!!" The gang is back and this time, they’re hitting Europe. This is one of my favorite animations after Shrek and Ice Age. Check the zany trailer here.

Why u should watch it: Cos we simbly loved the earlier ones. Period.

Brave (June 22) – Another one of Steve Job’s creative genius –Pixar - never seems to get it wrong. All their movies have been humungous blockbusters and even their least rated movie (Cars2) made half a billion dollars at the box. So their latest offering ‘Brave’ is often billed as the biggest animation movie to watch out for in 2012. Personally, I didn’t like the trailer too much but what do I know – I’m the guy who liked movies like ‘Dabangg’, ‘Om Shanthi Om’ and ‘There’s Something bout Mary’…. J

Why u should watch it: Like my bro tell me, "Cos its from Pixar, stupid." J

The Hobbit – Peter Jackson is a rockstar!! He's an extremely gifted director with immense confidence in himself - he made a movie, split it into three and released one part every December over the course of three years and eventually, each movie turned bigger than the last, with the last one becoming a monster hit. Yes, that was called the 'The Lord Of the Rings' trilogy - one of the most expensive and most ambitious pieces of film making ever; not to mention, phenomenally profitable too (made profit of $2.6Billion on a budget of $281million). Jackson went on to produce 'District 9' and the recent 'Tin Tin' and now is back as director with the two-part 'Hobbit', the first of which is coming out this December.

Why u should watch it: For quite possibly, it could become the next LOTR. J

John Carter (Mar 9) – OK, so the story goes that Pixar (yes, Steve Job’s Pixar J) had two extremely gifted directors in Brad Bird and Andrew Stanton. They’ve come up some pretty huge blockbusters at Pixar and now have ventured out to make non – animation movies on their own. And the first to hit the screen was Bird’s ‘MI:4’ with Tom Cruise, which is currently playing to packed houses and said to be the best movie of the MI series. So, a lot of eyes are eagerly waiting for Stanton’s first non-animation movie - ‘John Carter’. And it looks real big. Trailer looks pretty cool too. J

Why u should watch it: Well, chances r that everyone'll be soon talking bout it n u wouldn't wanna be left out, would you....? J

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (Feb 17) – OK, Cage pisses fire in this one. J But after the first one which had a very interesting premise but turned out into a really sloppy movie – not sure how this one will do – but well, the trailer really roXX.

Why u should watch it: Cos u secretly like the premise of bad-ass-guy-in-leather-jacket-on-a-harley-with-hot-girlfriend-and-he-freakingly-what else-but-saves-the-world.

American Reunion (April 6) – The greatest contribution of 'American Pie' to history– an alternate use of the humble Pie and the word ‘MILF’ J. I literally grew up on the ‘American Pie’ series – I loved all of ‘em for just being absolute mindless fun – I even liked some of the American Pie presents (like the Naked Mile). So the next in the series is ‘American Reunion’ where the original stars reunite for a reunion. Looks like fun. Sounds like fun. Shud be fun. J

Why u should watch it: For Jim's dad and Stifler's mom. J

The Dictator (May 11) – Ooooh, I simbly love the trailer – and yes, that really is Megan Foxx J For those who’ve seen 'Borat', they will agree that Sasha Baron Cohen is truly a rockstar. Waiting for this one. J

Why u should watch it: Cos the trailer is simbly freakin' awesumb !!! J

Movie 43 (April 13) – OK, this one’s is fairly interesting – this movie is a collection of short films directed by different directors, something like apna ‘Dus Kahaniyan’. The star cast is pretty awesome with Hugh Jackman, Gerard Butler, Richard Gere, Halle Berry, Kate Winslet, Emma Stone, Uma Thurman…….

Why u should watch it: Would you?? J

Now besides these, there’s Johny Depp’s ‘Dark Shadows’, 'Hunger Games’, ‘Jack the Giant Killer’(the big screen adaptation of ‘Jack and the Bean Stalk’ by the guy who gave us ‘X Men’ and ‘Usual Suspects’), the next Bond tentatively called 'Skyfall', ‘Snow White & the Huntsman’ (with the ‘Thor’ guy) that should make this year pretty interesting. Oh ya, there's also the next 'Twilight' and maybe the fifth installment of the 'Resident Evil'.

And on the Bollywood side of life, well, yup, here r ones worth salivating for:

The Big, Fat, Huge SRK- Yash Chopra movie (Diwali) – With both ‘Ra.One’ and now ‘Don2’ killing most of our senses, SRK has proved that he has the enviable ability to make people flock to his movies, however bad they may be. The biggest movie this year is Yash Chopra’s romantic movie with SRK after a gap of some 8 years (after that last thing they called ‘Veer Zaara’). The new movie has Katrina and Anushka as SRK’s angels and the music is by the Oscar man A R Rahman and lyrics penned by another Oscar winner, Gulzar. Need I say more? J

Why u should watch it: Cos you believe in the timeless, selfless, everlasting Yash Chopra's version of love. And also in those massive promotions that'll accompany this movie. J

The Bodyguard's next - There is only one King amongst the Khans and that Khan goes by the name Salman. After a spectacular year in 2011, the man Salman has two widely anticipated biggies this year – Ek Tha Tiger (Aug 10), another Yash Chopra produced movie with ex-flame Katrina, and the other one being the second part movie that sealed his super stardom two years back – as Chulbul Pandey again in the second part of Dabangg (December).

Why u should watch it: Well you might not watch the first but you'll be wondering who the hell else saw this movie that'd eventually make this one a blockbuster. For the second, well, let me make the list - Chulbul Pandey, Chedi Singh, fart jokes, item number....

Aamir's search(for excellence) - The special Khan’s movies are always special. After creating history with ‘3 Idiots’ (apparently its now doing big bujinej in China too), he rewrote its course with ‘Delhi Belly’ and followed it with a part in his wifey’s experimental ‘Dhobi Ghaat’. Now Aamir’s next full fledged movie is ‘Talaash’(June 1) with Kareena and Rani. As always, this Khan’s work is always special.

Why u should watch it: No brainer here - for Aamir Khan, silly.

Agneepath (Jan 26) - The first ‘big one’ of the new year is Karan Johar’s ‘Agneepath’, the remake of the iconic film that got the Big B the big award and reprising the role of Vijay Dheenanath Chouhan is apna Hritik Roshan. Incidentally its Hrithik’s only movie for the year (maybe Krish 2 also) and he’s putting all he has into the role; however, in the trailers, he looks like a match stick against Sanjay Dutt’s awesomely mean hulk of a villain, Kaancha. And adding gravy to the fire is pyaari Shiela, who seems to be able to finally act and her expressions are really spot on with Chikni Chameli.

Why u should watch it: For new age version of the freakin awesum 'Naam Vijay Dheenanath Chauhan' dialogue n for the monster that is Sanjay Dutt's 'Kaancha'.

Once again in Mumbai - One of the coolest movies that recently took our breath away was ‘Once Upon a Time in Mumbai’ and 2012 will see the second part of this movie, however with a completely new cast. Akshay Kumar will play Dawood Ibrahim in this one with Sonakshi Sinha.

Why u should watch it: For a repeat of the awesome dialogues, the music n a very cool story with some great performances that we saw in the first.

The Rowdy ka Roar - Another Akshay movie that’s making waves is 'Rowdy Rathore' (June 15). What’s adding to its cause is that it is being directed by the dance machine, Prabhu Deva, who has an enviable record as a director. Also, Akshay’s finally returning to action after his many not too successful roles otherwise. And yes, his mooch. J

Why u should watch it: Well, the movie is directed by Prabhu 'paisa vasool' Deva, whose movies seem to defy logic, gravity and intellect. And oh, by the the way, they usually end up as blockbusters too.

Of course, the news also say that we can expect 'Dhoom3' with Aamir as the baddie (delicious!) and maybe even 'Krish 2' with Vivek Oberoi as the villian (yuck!) this year. Other worthies also include AB Baby's 'Players' out this week, Imran Khan's 'Ek Mein Aur Ekk Tu' later this month, 'Saif-Kareena's 'Agent Vinod', Akshay's 'Joker', Madhur Bhandharkhar's dream project 'Heroine', Ajay Devgun's 'Tezz', a bunch of sequels (Housefull2, Kyaa Super Kool Hai Hum, Jannat 2, Race 2, Raaz3) and Vidya baby's next (award?J) in 'Kahaani'.

So that pretty much rounds up a fabulous year that’s stored for you. Also, expect a lot of Hollywood in Bollywood this year and hopefully, vice versa. You can also check out the biggest grossers of 2011 (only engliss ..) at my blog ka fb page here. (And do hit 'Like' when you're there J)

Personally, I think the Mayan prophesy was simply about the movie '2012' and not the year. (Seriously, everyone wanted that movie to end !!! J). But if it does turn true, I rather go down with my popcorn, coke and my 3D glasses on.

So as you can see, 2012 does look like a Happy New Year!!

And here's wishing you the same.

J