fuck love

a blog on 'life' and other popular four letter words...

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Speed Seduction

I am a babe magnet.

Like a magnet, I can repel any woman alive - anytime, anywhere, anyhow.

For years, my life has been the opposite of the Axe deo ad - women simply used to fall out of the sky and then after seeing me, they all run away like crazy in the opposite direction. And it’s always been the case for a long, long while. When I was a kid, I was a chota magnet and now, well, like you guessed, am a bada magnet - my luck with women never seem to change.

And for me, love has been a lot like Bangalore traffic - often with no warning, my prospective love life suddenly turns into one way (esp after Raksha bandhan), usually my journey gets punctuated by the rude entry of unwanted traffic-cop-like characters like my sweethearts’ better looking boyfriend(s), and since my seduction always starts with me offering to drop her home on my bike, my love story usually ends even before it starts, if she happens to find a good auto driver.

For years, I have been dreaming of becoming the main character in the Axe deo ad – but the Axe Effect has always worked as the Axe Defect for me. I even tried mixing all those other deos (Wild Stone, Set Wet, and other deos whose ads show promising results) and applied the resulting cocktail to my body and the closest it got me to a woman was the hospital nurse who treated me for the resultant skin rashes. And I’m not even going to talk about the many multi colored vibrant undies I bought inspired by that stupid old Frenchie ad.

And then, I met ‘the dude’ who has good teeth, good hair and supposedly good success with women. And he told me that the secret to success with not only women, but with people in general, is well, simply ‘hair’. And since I am mallu, my shocked response to his hair comment was also the same(in mallu).

But he was right. A secret to getting noticed, which is the first step to success with people-in-general, is believe it or not, getting your hair right.

Let me give you an example – go to a crowded place and just look around you. You’ll see a lot of people whom you’d probably forget in seconds but the people you end up noticing are generally the people who take care of themselves and curiously enough, these people have good hair (remember Sanjay Malakar from American Idol). Whether they gel it, streak it, comb it or do whatever with their hair, those that take care of their hair quite well, get noticed. Between two random strangers, the one who strikes you more is often the one who has better hair. In fact, hair is one of the basic fundas that actors work on to get into the skin of a new character – recall Aamir Khan’s hair in his different personas in Dil Chahtha Hai, Mangal Pandey, Ghajini, 3 Idiots etc.

In fact, upon my zealous research (i.e mindless googling) into this area, I found that the humble hair plays a big role in creating powerful first impressions for a person. We all know that the face that is one of the first things we notice about others and research says that hair not only frames the face but also can substantially transform it. Some cool findings from this research below(along with my worldly wise comments J):

For a killer First Impression....

For a killer first impression, you should choose a suitable hair style. Studies also say that the opposite gender gives a really big deal to hair.

For Women

  • Any hairstyle increases a woman’s perceived sexiness, but decreases a woman’s perceived intelligence (ok, no comment here J)
  • Women wearing short, untidy hair hairstyles (like Priyanka Gandhi) are seen as the most confident and outgoing. (Damn! That’s my hair style too – an I’m a celebrated introvert! Oh wait, I’m not woman )
  • Women with long, straight, brunette or blonde hairstyles (Shiela, Munni, Jalebi etc etc) are perceived to as the sexiest and most affluent. While in contrast, women with medium-length, casual looking hair(Kajol) are viewed as more intelligent and good-natured. (Katrina! Katrina! Katrina! Ok, I don’t know why I said this but I should learn to control myself… Katrina! Katrina! Katrina! )

For Men

  • Men wearing short, front flip hair (like John Abraham) are perceived as the most confident and sexy. They are also perceived as the most self-centered. (Taking notes -must have short front flip hair. ..must also have muscles...)
  • Men with medium length, side parted hair (think Mammootty) are viewed as the most intelligent and affluent – so if you wanna nail that interview, this is the look to have. But also, men with this style are also seen as the most narrow minded. (guess Mammootty cleared a lot of job interviews before becoming an actor )
  • Long hair on men suggests that he is probably less well-off than other men, but also suggests he is more open minded than them. (so if you don’t wanna treat anyone for ur bday, just grow long hair; and blame the recession!)

The research goes on to say that to create a good first impression, the choice of hairstyle can project an image of intelligence and self assurance, or even that of insecurity and arrogance. So it suggests hairstyles for different kinds of faces :

  • Round faces – If you have a round face, you should opt for hairstyles that create the illusion of length, like height and fullness at the crown and short at sides; this should make your round face look sexy as hell. I have a round face, btw (I also have a round body, btw).
  • Heart shaped – If your face is heart, i.e, with wide foreheads and small delicate chins, you should opt for styles that add fullness to the lower part of the face – bob cuts and wavy curls should make you hot, hip n happenin’.
  • Triangular faces – the opposite of the heart, the hair styles here should look at creating more fullness at the upper part. Top heavy layers are the thing for you.
  • Rectangular faces – Short and medium length hair are what the doctor recommends for you. Boing!
  • Oval faces – You lucky cheese! You’re simply born with it – any style looks good on you. Or rather, you make any look look good on you. J

So by now, you can see how the humble hair can make you stand out from the crowd (I am talking about the one on your head btw). And in our busy, busy schedules, it’s no surprise to learn that our hair is the one of the most neglected parts of our body. And who can blame us? In the race to our aspirations and our tipping work-life balance, we often neglect or take such things for granted.

For supa dupa killer Hair....

In the age of the google, hair care tips are a dime too many. So here’s a simplified R-A-J recommendation to taking care of hair which is just a three letter word (for a change, it’s not four ;))- It’s ''SSS''– the secret to great hair is to just focus on Shine, Strength and Style. As simble n humble as that!

Since Style is already covered earlier (depends on your face type), let’s just focus on Shine andStrength with just three points, most of which, fortunately we already know:

  • Hair Care - Like our moms and grandmas say - Oil your hair at least once every three days. And after you apply oil, massage your head so that it sticks to your scalp and then let it stay on your head for about an hour before washing it off. You could shampoo it off but nothing beats the thrill of a great night’s sleep after a hot oil bath – so its suggested that you shampoo it off the next day after a great night’s sleep. And remember to use conditioner after shampoo for that extra zing for the hair. And with gel, well, it’s said that you should apply it in such a way that it is applied only on the hair and not on the scalp. The point to be noted, me lord, is that if you are venturing out to put foreign things on your hair, make sure you use reputable brands. Key takeaway here is oil, massage, shampoo, condition and always choose reputed brands.

  • The eatings and the drinkings - Ok, I should probably the last person on earth to say this but here goes – go low on junk food, sleep well and get some exercise. So the next time you get yourself those cheese filled pizza, deep fried mangurian and chocolate drippy drips, you should just say ‘No’, hit the treadmill and resend all these goodies to my home address. J And yes, drink lots of liquids – but no, this is not an excuse to get drunk – but get this - beer is supposed to be good for your hair (Yes!! Another reason to go get some beer!! Cheers, mate!) But jokes apart, just to make you a li’l more guilty, tobacco n alcohol are considered villains to your hairy love story. So have at least 10 glasses of water every day (yes, without the whiskey! J). Key takeaway here is exercise, have lotsa water and yes, maintain a balanced diet.

  • Hair Repair - This is often the most neglected part of hare care. And actually, things like hair fall, split ends, dryness and dullness are not really the problem – the real problem is hair damage. Hair can get damaged due to variety of reasons like coloring, curling, straightening, dyeing, permanent chemicals, poor diet or even heat from hair dryers. If your hair has split ends or if your hair feels brittle or harsh, it is most likely damaged. To repair damaged hair, you could choose from home made remedies (eggs and oil, hot oil treatments, vitamin E capsules etc) or consider branded products. My personal selection here is the latter, as it’s a lot more hassle-free. Key takeaway here is, if your hair is damaged, switch to reputed brands immediately.

Something I found quite helpful (and extremely convenient) is the Dove Nourishing Oil care line, consisting of the hair care necessities - oil, shampoo, conditioner and repair mask- all in the same range. It consists of a daily use Shampoo with Vita Oils, a dual stripe Daily Treatment Conditioner with the power of double nourishment, a Repair Mask that nourishes deep inside for 99% smoother hair and a Vita-Oil serum that provides instant smoothness and shine without weighing down the hair. Vita-Oils apparently go deep inside the hair fiber to lock in moisture and hence nourish it with every wash without leaving a greasy feel. Quite convenient and yes, I'm a sucker for brand Dove. J

And bingo! That’s it – just focus on Shine, Strength and Style with the above tips for your hair and baal baal bach jayenge J. Sure there are more advanced tips too but to be honest, I would never find the time to follow them in my supposedly busy life; so I wouldn’t really expect you to either, but if you do have the extra time and the extra energy, you could use that valuable time to check out the remainder of my hard working blog and follow it. J

So what’s my WoW hair moment?....

Well, judging by what I eat (that’s a monster burger in the pic-with extra fries, extra cheese, extra mayo n extra junk!), it’s no surprise that I have more weird hair moments than wow; but I still manage to get compliments by concentrating on the third 'S', of the 'SSS' (Shine, Strength and Style). I focus on Style to get me my compliments and I usually experiment a lot with my hair on the weekends and most of my amused friends’ reactions have varied between ‘WTF’, ‘dead rat on ur head?’ to ‘That’s so cool, man!’ Of course, for the Strength and Shine aspects, I have my biweekly oil bath followed by shampoo-conditioner the next day. But I’d like to think I am blessed with good hair though I am sure there is much more I should be doing to take care of my hair. And of the few worthy WoW hair moments I remember, one that is top of my mind right now is when a childhood buddy of mine, who is now a model, told me that he was jealous of my hair in school (guess mom’s strict oil-every-day regime seemed to have been working). Some things that I presently do with my hair is to use a few drops of coconut oil, instead of using gel; and yes, whenever there’s beer leftover from the day before (which seems to be always J), I use it on my hair as the last rinse after shampooing.

So I’m sure you’re wondering – as mentioned at the start of this story, has all this speed seduction helped me with getting my Katrina?

Well truth be told, not really. But the good thing is today, with my great head of hair(J), I’ve developed a certain level of confidence in myself that even when I get rejected, I’m quite cool with it. I just pity the girl cos she just blew her chance to get to know the great guy that I am ( even on my bad hair days J).

And plus, I have the mental satisfaction that she just turned down a great guy with such great hair and great panache.

(Proudly swishing my short hair to glory….)


This is an entry for the Dove-IndiBlogger "Love is a two way street; love your hair and it loves you back" contest. You can check out more comments and thoughts on this same subject on my other blog. Pics courtesy-mai baap google.

If you like this post, promote me at ib, like me on facebook, or follow me here.

If not, likewise.J


  1. Seems you wrote this post on one of those bad hair days ;-)

  2. I dont think you will ever have a bad hair day Raj!! And Awesome post!! Amazing creativity buddy!!

  3. my god-that is one hairy story...and bada magnet, here's hoping your hair and care gets you there;-)

  4. From First impression to Hair tips!!!this was useful.
    I was giggling at few sentences...
    I felt as though i had a conversation with hair specialist.. :)

  5. heheheehehehehh U are a funny man!!!Round face and round body :P
    Awesome click btw...I am gymming here and tht burger made my tummy gurgle!

  6. no offense...but ur hair in the pic reminds me of G.One. i repeat...no offense :D

    good one dude.

  7. oh my my i had no idea this was for the Dove contest.

    there was a smile as i read one para after another & when i reached the part of the Dove i was like oh this is for the contest!!

    very nicely built story - so creative
    and the research you've put in for this post - :)gr8
    axe defect - haha
    magnet of repulsion - roar!

  8. btw, do check your dashboard for my comments on your other older posts too

  9. He he he he :)

    what can i say , I do the next best thing.
    I look at mysef in the mirror and say you are smashing .. what others say I ignore .. thats easy cause only i say the good thing about me the whole worl has a different opinion ..

    All the best for the contest


  10. Hey lumuhuku (is tht a cool name or wht!! :)), bad hair days ? aur main?..kabhi nahi..:D ..wonder y u say tht, Dev? :)

    Hey Binu, thnx so much fr ur kind words man.. really appreciate.. glad u liked it :)

    Hey Suruchi..hopin the same :) 'hair n the care gets me there'..nice! gt a ring to it :) thnx fr the kind words Suruchi :)

  11. Hey Amigo, glad tht u found it useful :) the things tht google can help u do!! :)

    Hey Red, wassaaabbbb!!!? I really admire ppl who can sustain goin to the gym.. thts one thing I've nvr been able to maintain :) All the best wid the the gymmin, Red!! :)

  12. Hey Kalpak, yap SRK has always hd a lastin influence in my life, mainly with the 'raj, naam tho...', so I'm kinda ok with a 'g.one'.. so thanks? :)

    Hey Sujatha, thnx fr the kind words..glad u found it interesting :).. n ya, me gt a lil tied up over the last few weeks with sum bit of travellin.. so yup, saw ur comments but cud only reply to 'em nw...am so sawwy, will try to be a bit more proactive in my replies.. n thnx so, so much fr the support, Sujatha :)

  13. Raj......endua de......ok first of all coming from you all those hair tips were a little shocking but definitely useful so that makes up for it:-) And of course with your usual touch of humour this post was a very interesting read.....

  14. I actually read through the whole thing.... Good job R-A-J!! Btw, observation....very surprising for a mallu to be writing a thesis on hair care with hardly any mention of coconut oil...!!

  15. U r so damn phunny...specially the 'axe defect' part. I always wanted someone to say it for those new advertisements every other month really intrigued me :P

    As for ur hair tips...well hope u win and get to endorse the brand with katrina..good luck :)

    PS : following u now, so will be back!


  16. Hey Sowmya, jeevichu pottedey.. :)
    romba naal aachu.. sowmya sowkyam thaane? Thngu thngu fr ur kind words.. do drop by more often.. hope allz well on ur side :)

    Hey Pallavie, comin frm u, it really is a compliment !! Thnx Pallavie :) ahem..ahem.. the gel bit... ;) thnx fr droppin by Pallavie :)

    Hey Sarah, welcum to ma blog!! thnx fr droppin by n thnx fr followin me :) aapki muuh me ghee sakkar... only issue is if i do, will Katrina ever oblige? :( ya, I support tht other dude who sued Axe :)... thnx fr droppin by Sarah.. do drop by more often :)

  17. Hi Raj,

    Nice post :) Round face with a round body :) :) Hifives for that :) But diameter of mine will be more than yours :) Good description of style :) Hair plays a major role.. agreed :) :) trying to follow it :) Gymming i too find difficult :)

  18. Hi...der aaye doorusth aaye (better late then never)...was waiting for your post and as always creatively humorous. Lots of research and very well planned too, covered all grounds.
    Best of Luck.

  19. R-A-J: This post suggests that you are modern "Hair guru." and SSS is the mantra...Well, my hairstyle changes on daily basis automatically and gives me a new look....and I have no idea why :P probably saves my money spent on salons...!!! I hope a lazy bug like me can follow some of the great tips given :-) and yes, you are a good foody!

  20. man!! it's always so funny to read your posts and loved the way you come to a subject!

  21. Hey Ravi, thnx fr ur kind words man.. haha, really? let's hv a contest - I'm sure I'll win :) U said it - gymmin is definitely my cup of tea :)

    Hey Pooja, thnx a lot fr ur kind words n support..been quite a while, eh? :) Hope all is well with u :) thnx a lot :) Do drop by more often :)

    Hey GG, wow u soo lucky.. no need to go to the saloons n yet hs a new hair do everyday :) Laziness is a religion n yes, I am an ardent believer of it ;)

    He Josh, thnx man.. really appreciate.. glad u liked it.. do drop by more often man :)

  22. Hair raising story. (sorry couldn't help it. :p) but interesing post.

  23. interesting!

    I use dove hair products btw!


  24. Hey Nikky, thnx fr droppin by.. hahaha... i ws soo tempted to use tht in the ttitl but guess somebody else also did :) thnx fr ur kind words n do drop by more often :)

    Hey A S, welcum to my blog n thnx fr droppin by... yup, so do I :) do drop by more often :)

  25. Whoa! Nice post! I loved the beginning.... Deo Cocktail one! hahahah :D

    Nice blog you've got here :)

    1. Hey Namrata, welcum to my blog!! Glad to have u here!! :)

      Hahaha.. glad u liked it.. n thanks fr ur very kind words n fr droppin by, Namrata :)

      do try to drop by more often.. :)

  26. hey raj... liked the title.. u remember we searching for the book with the same title in bglore.. it was way back... gr8 blog man.. keep rocking..


    1. Aliyaazzz..., welcum to my blog man.. nice to see u here bro... hope all is well on ur side man :)

      Of course, I remember that one - just for the record, finally bought tht book :D

      Thnx fr ur kind words man.. do drop by more often man.. n we do hv a "date" in Bangalore.. :)

    2. aal is well here man... and i hope u would lend me that book.. ;) and for the records.. i got married.. will call u with details.. ellaam valare pettennaayirunnu...

    3. Bugger!! Congrats man!!! Awesum news!! Obviously u wudn't need the book anymore :D

  27. and for the date.. its still on... bro.. will catch up..

    1. Ya man.. lets do tht!! Obviously now u hv a lot more to tell me bout.. :)